You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
