You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
