The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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