i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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