i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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