I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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