Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
