when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
