well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
