that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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