I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
