Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
