when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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