There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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