I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
