I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
