I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
