i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize