cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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