I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
