I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize