just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
