Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize