Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
