Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
