I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I could make wine with my vomit
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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