Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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