im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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