You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
