He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize