well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
