There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your cock deserves a montage
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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