this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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