The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize