im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
