Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
