You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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