what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
