you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize