Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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