I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize