My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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