that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
