Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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