His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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