Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found your dick twin last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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