respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
