He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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