Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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