is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She said her name was "party"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
