My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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