It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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