bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
