it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize