so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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