i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
