I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could teleport
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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