She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
