she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
