I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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