Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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