He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
