why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
