Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
