Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
