Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
