last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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