this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
