my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
