worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
