do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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