Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
