So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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