he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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