If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have fence marks all over my body
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
