If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
