Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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