Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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