It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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