For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
