Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
