I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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