His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
