i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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