I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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