Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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