I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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