I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize