Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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