i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
