Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
