her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this will be a night to untag.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
