I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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