my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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