apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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