so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize