Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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