I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize