"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
