Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
