used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
