I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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