You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
