We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
