So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
