in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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